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Started by #423718 [Ignore] 26,Feb,14 03:52
New Comment Rating: 5 Similar topics: 1.===== Joke Of The Day ===== 2.Anybody got a good joke! 3.small hands 4.Joke Central 5.It just a joke Comments: | ||
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It got stock in my throat.
I've had a stiff neck for hours.
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that's a reptile dysfunction and the damn and the damn thing
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What did you think of the other jokes? They all were short enough to remember and funny, too!
What is the difference between an Apple Watch and a large penis?
An Apple Watch tells the time.
I don't even think it's funny.
Alrighty then, here’s where we are at; you didn’t think it was funny but will you, or someone, kindly DUMB IT DOWN FOR ME?
The unemployment line
Lucky for him he wasn't conceived in Basingstoke.
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When we wanted to see a prenatal baby, we invented the ultrasound.
When we wanted to see the brain, we invented the MRI.
Why, then, is a finger up the ass really necessary for a prostate exam?
The dog's quite nice too.
Jim, shocked, asks, “Oh, god, Doc! What is it?”
Doctor says, “You’re going to have to stop masturbating.”
Jim, still in shock, asks, “But, why, Doc? Why?”
Doc says, “Because I’m talking to you."
I went up to him and asked him what kind of business was he conducting.
"A loan again, naturally," Gilbert replied.
He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"
The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she lifted up the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"
He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.
She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"
Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches."
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Daddy, hearing her, comes in and sees his daughter watching the dogs. "Oh, no," he thinks. "I don't think she's old enough for this talk yet. I'll make up something."
Thinking quick, he tells her, "See the boy dog? Well, he hurt his foot and the girl dog is helping him go to the vet."
The little girl watches for a moment, and then looks at him and says, "Well, that just goes to show ya. You try to help someone and you just end up getting fucked!"
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The barman looks at him and says, Hang on You're a duck.I see your eyes are working,replies the duck. And you can talk exclaims the barman. I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please Certainly, sorry about that, says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything
Sounds marvellous, says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call.
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.
I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck
Where is it
At the circus,says the barman.
The circus?" repeats the duck.
That's right, replies the barman.
The circus?" the duck asks again. “That place with the big tent,
Yeah," the barman replies.
With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
Of course,the barman replies.
And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says …..
What the f*** would they want with a plasterer
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